Big men do cry – and it saves lives

We’re guarded. We’re fearful. We’re so angry at each other because we don’t see each other, really. -Roger Fox, son of Rick Fox, asset manager for Shell’s Ursa deep-water oil rig Though much has changed in recent times, the message that “boys don’t cry” is still powerful in the lives of men. But in a storyContinue reading “Big men do cry – and it saves lives”

The Christmas miracle of expectations

It’s Christmas Eve today, for those who celebrate the holiday, and at this time of year, there’s often talk of miracles. I don’t generally go in for that sort of thing, but I do go in for wonder, curiosity, and the excitement that discoveries having nothing to do with the supernatural can bring. This week,Continue reading “The Christmas miracle of expectations”

Tsarnaev, heartbreak, and the violence borne of suffering

Last week, the federal courts sentenced young Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to death for his crimes in the Boston Marathon bombing. I don’t talk politics much here, but I will say on the record: I was hoping against hope that it would be life without parole. I hoped – and even believed – that we were betterContinue reading “Tsarnaev, heartbreak, and the violence borne of suffering”

Rewiring your brain out of pain

When I was about 17 years old, I remember getting sunburned on my face. I particularly hurt on the skin around and under my eyes, but being out with family at the pool in the complex where my grandmother lived, I needed to hang out for a bit longer. I was reading a book –Continue reading “Rewiring your brain out of pain”

Listening to your heart may be more literal than you think

A man in Brazil, having received a cardiac implant, found – not all that surprisingly – that his body image shifted: he had the odd feeling off having a heart in his belly rather than his chest. But rather more surprisingly, the introduction of the implant “seemed to have markedly altered certain social and emotionalContinue reading “Listening to your heart may be more literal than you think”

What if we could not waste one more moment hating our bodies?

A moving column in CNN last month revealed the thing that the dying often regret the most: all the time they spent hating their own bodies. Kerry Egan, a hospice chaplain, shared her experiences of talking with the dying. A 75-year-old woman dying of cancer just wants one more piece of caramel cake. But herContinue reading “What if we could not waste one more moment hating our bodies?”

Hugs, but only if you want them.

More and more articles lately on consent culture and how to raise a generation of people who are secure in their own bodily autonomy, and respect others’ as well. Here’s one I liked this week: Why I Will Never Tell My Daughter to Give You a Hug. In short: forcing kids to hug and kiss orContinue reading “Hugs, but only if you want them.”

“It should not take everything you have to turn down someone’s offer for sex.”

This article today struck me as important enough to post about here, touching as it does on consent culture, rape apologism, and most importantly, the clarity that we need to have with ourselves and others if we are ever to move beyond blaming victims and demonizing perpetrators to a model of restorative justice. Highlights, andContinue reading ““It should not take everything you have to turn down someone’s offer for sex.””

Some middle ground for treating pedophiles?

This week on Medium, a long article went around that told the story of a 16-year-old boy who realized that he was sexually attracted to young children. Rather than demonizing such non-offending pedophiles, the article follows his efforts not only to stop himself from hurting children, but to help others like him. The pressure notContinue reading “Some middle ground for treating pedophiles?”

Cultivating a consent culture

I was reading Psychology Today’s recent article, The Power of No, this morning, and it got me thinking about a question that haunts alternative sexuality communities, or should. The question is this: in a world where we accept the feminist precept that rape culture exists – which needless to say, I do – how doContinue reading “Cultivating a consent culture”