Finding your yes, no, and maybe, part 1: No

In anticipation of the talk I’m giving the weekend of October 10 at Wicked Women, I want to write some posts that lay groundwork for the concepts I’ll be working with in that talk. The first of these is the very simple idea that saying no is hard. In last year’s talk, Sam and IContinue reading “Finding your yes, no, and maybe, part 1: No”

“It should not take everything you have to turn down someone’s offer for sex.”

This article today struck me as important enough to post about here, touching as it does on consent culture, rape apologism, and most importantly, the clarity that we need to have with ourselves and others if we are ever to move beyond blaming victims and demonizing perpetrators to a model of restorative justice. Highlights, andContinue reading ““It should not take everything you have to turn down someone’s offer for sex.””

Cultivating a consent culture

I was reading Psychology Today’s recent article, The Power of No, this morning, and it got me thinking about a question that haunts alternative sexuality communities, or should. The question is this: in a world where we accept the feminist precept that rape culture exists – which needless to say, I do – how doContinue reading “Cultivating a consent culture”

Childhood, consent, and learning to be human

In anticipation of my talk on embodied consent in September, I’m going to writing a lot about consent in this space. I’m away until August 10, so for the next two entires, you’ll be getting reruns. Here’s an oldy but goody that practically went viral when I first posted it. What imprints do we receiveContinue reading “Childhood, consent, and learning to be human”

My favorite response yet to the #yesallwomen thing.

In the wake of the horrific shootings this week, Twitter and other social media have been a-flurry with defensive remarks from men (hashtag: notallmen) and responses from women (hashtag: yesallwomen). The dialogue seems to be going past each other, in a way that neither increases understanding nor gets at the heart of why these awfulContinue reading “My favorite response yet to the #yesallwomen thing.”

Cultivating a consent culture

I was reading Psychology Today’s recent article, The Power of No, this morning, and it got me thinking about a question that haunts alternative sexuality communities, or should. The question is this: in a world where we accept the feminist precept that rape culture exists – which needless to say, I do – how doContinue reading “Cultivating a consent culture”

Childhood, consent, and learning to be human

What imprints do we receive as children?  When you were five, or six, or seven, what messages really stuck and taught you how people ought to treat each other, how you deserved to be treated, and what options you had for interaction with others? I know for my part, I was teased a lot asContinue reading “Childhood, consent, and learning to be human”